...and i dare you to forget..

babadada

Sat, 25 Feb 2006 06:07:50 GMT

i love.....
-when my friends are happy after being unhappy for a long time
-when my best friend gets what she wants even if its just a pair of shoes that makes her happy
-skyelar even though i dont see her much she kinda reminds me of this awesome innocence i wish i posessed and shes so darn cute
-drop dead fred
-when my jimmy hugs me real tight and whispers he loves me into my ear
-when rob throws temper tantrums
-plans to wax crazy places
-when vince gives me funky condoms that i play with
-dri and daniella and britney
-secret clubs with the password boobies
-when i finally talk to rae ann after a year and all my fears are relieved and i know that i have the best friends anyone could ask for
#1...always shanny
and everyone else is in tie for 2nd
plus my gordo is #1.5
i really want to dress like sarah anderson
shans lucky
duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ohhhh peeee esssss
i might get to hang out with the schaumburg friends for the first time in a long time tomorrow night...exciting
COME TO CHURCH!

Sat, 11 Feb 2006 06:34:06 GMT

im so in love it hurts
and i keep screwing it up
when someone u love tells you they love you
why would u say no you dont?
when you know they do?
when u can feel it in every bone in your body?
cause im a dumbass...

dancin with myself

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 20:30:31 GMT

so yeah...
theres this effing beast
who really needs to stop talking so much "poo"
cause i never did anything to her
she doesnt even know me
i won
she needs to get over it

and dont say you hate my best friend
cause thats just gay
and ill slap you

and and and...
yeah
sorry

Gay

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 07:13:24 GMT

Will you dance to this beat and hold a lover close?
i just made grilled cheese.
it was awesome.
its mandas birthday.
i miss her.
and key.
and mandie.
and keith.
yeah those are the people i miss...
WHERE ARE YOU!?

no one reads this...why do i bother?

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 19:38:48 GMT

so uhm...ive pierced about lets say 150 tounges in my lifetime...
and out of those 150 nothing has ever gone wrong...a little blood which is normal, some drooling, but thats all...

so my boyfriend asks me to pierce his tounge...and of course i say sure...
we go to stratford to buy a needle and the next thing i know me jimmy shan and rob are in the family bathroom and the piercing is about to go down.
now my boyfriend cant really stick his tounge out of his mouth very far...and he was real nervous. so ive got him clamped and i stick it through and he moves...not very much but just enough so that the needle wont go through and it hits a vaine...we didnt know at that point it hit a vaine.
so i take the needle out and theres blood everywhere...i mean everywhere. so i start freaking out and crying cause i think i killed my baby and we've only been going out for 2 weeks and oh man...
hes turning kinda white at this point and no matter what the blood wont stop pouring out.
we convince him he has to go the emergency room...during a snow storm. we could have easily died on the way there like 3 times it was bad...
rob and shannon are laughing not realizing that people can bleed to death from a tounge piercing.
so whatever we get the emergency room and they have to call his mom and he tells them he did it himself and im sitting there feeling terrible and whatever.
then the doctor kicks shan rob and i out of the room cause we're not family and hes in there for like an hour. the whole time i was freaking out so bad cause if anything happened to him i dont know what i would do.
finally he comes out...
yeah they had to cauderize his tounge...ewwwwwwwwww
now hes back there today getting it checked up on...
i cant wait til i can actually kiss him again...
the poor kid.
i suck
i have now changed my name from chella to "the boyfriend killer"

LOOK!

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 19:35:17 GMT

i can use livejournal again.
k peace.

shoot me please

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 06:04:37 GMT

so i fell down some concrete steps today...which wouldnt be so bad except for my spine broke my fall...
thats right.
im in so much pain. im going to the doctor when i get home.
im kinda depressed here.
last night i had a dream i was posessed by the devil and it was the scariest thing ive really ever experienced...it all felt so real. i think this means something...someone please explain...
i miss shan and jimmy so much.
i cant wait to come home.
my sister didnt place in her competition. they were all so nervous it didnt go well at all. what sucks is that the squad that won nationals is the squad we beat at regionals. they had no right even being there except that they had enough money to go.
i told the girls that line from bring it on "i define the best as beating the best"
those girls worked their asses off and they beat the national champions...so what does that tell you?
jenine started jumping around screaming WE BEAT THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONS...WE'RE THE INTERNATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!!!
so cute
the pool is hotter than the hot tub here...that sucks
the phone is ringing constantly
i need some sleep
i think i need to get laid.
i watched 40 year old virgin last night and wasnt too impressed....
<3 much love
-handicapped

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 01:10:10 GMT

i love the way that everyone is so cold hearted...and then turns around and trys to play it off like "oh im such a good person". everyone needs to chill. its better if we dont talk. dont scream or talk shit behind my (or shannons) back...and we wont say anything about u. if i run into you im not going to even acknowledge you....because honestly why should i. i may know you but chances are i wish i didnt.
so leave it alone.
go away.
and dont say another word.
shhhhhhh

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 00:30:28 GMT

youre not even pretty enough to be a whore face.
thank you
ive said my peace.

a blood red summer

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 04:25:56 GMT

so to anyone who reads this...yeah im updating big shock eh?
you were never a real friend. if u were u wouldnt have ditched me for her. how was your party?
dont make me hang out with a guy i wish would choke....and dont lie to pretend hes not coming either. even when hes not there all i hear about is him...
dont tell me what to fucking do
stop shit talking behind peoples backs...you guys arent cool and if you were you wouldnt be in these situations....think of someone else for once
hes getting married...fuck you...hows the heroin?
he never kissed you...stop telling me he did...attention seeker.
dont fuck the people we introduce you to...thank you...
i never made her smoke...she wanted it just as bad as u did...i hope you choke
if i see your stomach just one more time im gonna puke up my esophagus
i dont care about your vaginal happenings...
bart dill has cancer...just thought id let you know...
im not in love...im in hate...you would be too...
stop flirting with him hes too old for you...leave it alone...bitch
bri is disgusting...cuz she is...lets just leave it at that...
dont wake up to make a salad...its not working out for ya ok...
stop complaining about how bad your life is...at least u still have something...not to mention how fucking rich you are...and im not talking about money here...
i hate corn dogs...they make me want to vomit...
natural deodorant smells really good...gotta pick me up some of that shit...
i got jamba juice for three dollars...do you know where your money is going?
youre a facist and shes the lamb, a simple sweet person and you tell her what to do...get your stick out of her ass and let her herd herself you selfish bitch...shes goin out to pasture...little bo peep
he ran over my heart with a big metaphorical truck...im still going on...why arent u...
your car accident was a lie...
are u still reading this...cuz you should be...its for your own good..
youre not so perfect now are ya honey...
youre the female equivalent of sadam hussein except harrier
he was never that cute...hate to break it to ya...
i didnt think it would last this long...if id have known i would have ended it before it even started...
i never went to beauty school...i can make people prettier than you can...do you lack skill or are u just retarded...? the world may never know.
whats the flavor of the week?

youll always love me,
and you hate that you know its true.
the sad part is ill always love you too...
you probably dont even know who you are...
sorry i couldnt make this a bit more obvious...
k bye
chella

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 05:21:03 GMT

oh wow...butterflies still havent left my tummy......
steve is sooooooooooooooooo cute....
i really hope shanny isnt interested in him....
not that he would be interested in me...
but god i hope he is...

its not so bad

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 01:47:48 GMT

kill me slowly...
im over it
i have enough friends who are completely grown up and dont act stupid.
hanging out with jaymee friday.
saturday maybe going to this youth group thing with shannon.
casey has her period and its killing her lol.

-come over to my house cuz youre the one for me
-i feel eyelashes on my cheek
-but your taste still lingers on my lips like i just placed them upon yours
-italy isnt the same without you here
-we'll drink cheap wine and watch for shooting stars
-i starve for you
-will you still hold me when you see what i have done?
-my heart is dead and so are you
-perfectly flawed
-need agression to feed the spiders of perception
-you are my sunshine
-will you still kiss me the same?
-you were from a perfect world a world that threw me away today
-a pill to make you numb a pill to make you dumb a pill to make you anybody else
-wake me up before you leave today
-put a message on my pillow that says just to stay asleep in bed
-had to go and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucks
-but all the drugs in this world wont save her from herself
-your rage is like a fist in my womb
-cant you forgive what you think ive done?
-babble babble bitch bitch
-where are you? and im so sorry
-without you my life is incomplete my days are absolutely gray...

thats all i have to say...

save us from sleep and what we are

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 19:23:28 GMT

tonight is the blazers game....GO BLAZERS!!!!
homecoming week makes me miss highschool...but then i feel like ive accomplished alot more doing correspondence. hanging out with casey saturday, i wanna see if she wants to go take pics of mandie and amanda and them before they leave for homecoming and then we can go hang out with paul. but yeah...keith and tay might come to the game tonight and natalie watalie is gonna be there...thats gonna be exciting! im trying to convince gus to go....hes way too cute. i miss him i really do he doesnt believe me tho. he should ask shannon, anytime we're looking for something to do im like why dont we call gus?

you call that a childhood....

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 04:54:48 GMT

tonight was good and bad fun and unfun.

fun stuff:
-fighting with dallas
-watching jay get excited over brownies
-singing and being an ass with shannon
-playing pictionary (spelling?)
-seeing dallas's face whenever the girls team got another point
-getting pissed when we didnt win and telling shanny we werent best friends anymore lol
-seeing friends
-seeing kyle
-when dave and opie stayed late and talked with me and my mommy
-when randy called
-taking the car for a joy ride and getting lost a block away from my house

unfun stuff:
-knowing that i am unforgiving
-being told im beautiful and not being able to believe it
-realizing how bad i treated my 2 best friends in the past
-realizing i trust barely anyone
-hearing steve talk about unconditional love for his parents and not having it apply to me (dad)
-realizing how lonely max really is and theres nothing i can do to help it but be there for him
-coming to the conclusion that some people have it a lot worse off than me...i hate when i am proved wrong...i hate that i proved it myself...
-realizing i have a year left here before i move out
-not knowing where im going to be in the future
-giving up my dreams
-not being able to go to homecoming and hearing everyone talk about it
-getting jealous of realitionships which are better off than my own

so thats my night...alot of emotions but what can you expect from a teenage drama queen...?

Scene: in my kitchen, mom standing at the counter, opie sitting in a chair near the counter, dave sitting across from me at the table
::chella:: look around we have no microwave
::dave:: why is that
::Chella:: my mom doesnt believe in microwaves...she has very strong oppinions
::dave:: (staring in disbelief) i dont believe that
::chella:: mom tell dave you dont believe in microwaves
::mom:: laughs
::dave:: see i knew you were lying
::mom:: we used to have a microwave but .. (dave interrupts)
::dave:: you blew it up didnt you...?

you break my heart into a thousand pieces and you say its because i deserve better...?

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 18:13:28 GMT

last night zack and tyler came over. it was kinda cool. tyler was cracking me up into tiny little pieces and zack looked wayy good. then we got in a car accident. my neck hurts today and i dont know it was just really bad. when i got home i cried and cried cuz like what happened was zack was driving us home from dennys and he hit a light pole and it slammed the car forward and my face was a centimeter away from the windshield. i was so scared like seriously i realized that if my seat would have been any closer either my face would be so messed up or my legs would be broken cuz my knees were crunched against the dashboard as it was. then i talked to mommy for a long time and yeah. she made me feel better. im cooking din din tonight...yay me yay me-lol brian. yeah uhm idk talked to randy on the phone the other day and then some cds fell under the accelerator and i hung up on him cuz i was scared to pick them up cuz i didnt wanna get in an accident. so yeah he called me back but i went sleepies early that night.
anyways i dont know what else much to say except...
near death experiences scare the shit out of me...all the more reason to be greatful.
oh and ive been thinking about the list i made of the person who would be good for me in church and it all adds up to this certain someone who doesnt know that he could very well be my soul mate and is probably like 5 years older than me...i dont know how old he is. all i know is hes so easy to talk to and he believes in me. and he smiles at me alot...

ive got to break free

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 16:54:57 GMT

so sending in a tape to the oprah show to tell my story because i wrote it out a while back and sent it in...about battles with eating disorders and si and depression and they contacted me back asking to send in a video talking to oprah about it and why i want to be on tv. so yeah thats gonna be cool
also tonight zack and kevin are coming over to drop off my tickets for sunday! wooty woot woot.
oh and sunday SAVVY MIGHT COME ::excitedness:: shes an awesome girl.
uhm....what else. mommy bought me new conditioner that smells like happy awesome!

anyways thats about all right now. just did like 200 crunches and i have to go to the gym later so uhm next time you hear from me ill probly be in pain lol.

cant miss starting over!
Love ya
chell

i wish that it would just go away...

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 06:13:54 GMT

tonight made me think im very lucky....ill explain...
i had youth group at my house and it was alot of fun i guess. but jay was really upset and i felt so bad for her...i never realized how bad her mom can make her feel sometimes. i wanted to hug her and say it would be ok but i know sometimes she doesnt like to be touched. so jaymee if you read this... I <3 YOU Pineapple Head!<~havent called you that in a long time. anyways yeah and then max was talking about how hes never been kissed and never had a girlfriend and he thinks no one likes him and i just felt really bad and theres a rumor going around that hes gay and hes not...hes just a really nice guy so if anyone reads this...please know that just because hes different doesnt mean you should judge him. he doesnt judge you.
also when jeremy came he had this girl erica with him and we recognized eachother right away...we knew eachother from the hospital. and i remembered that her mom had died and thats why she was there...tonight was a true lesson to me to be greatful for all i have and the people who care about me and the experiences and love that has been shown to me. and i realize now that i shouldnt be so angry about my dads illness and i should just be happy that i will be able to say good bye to him unlike erica was with her mom.

well i dont really have much else to say except that uhm...
I love you all...

<3
chell

Mon, 27 Sep 2004 02:35:19 GMT

John Tyrka: you silly goose your gona make me cry
HeyLush1868: are you drunk john
HeyLush1868: or stoned?
John Tyrka: well not drunk but i had a couple of beers
HeyLush1868: uhhh huh
HeyLush1868: u do realize you just called me a silly goose right?
John Tyrka: yeah thats the new cool word to use, where have you been?
HeyLush1868: uhm ive been here
John Tyrka: dork
HeyLush1868: ok im not the one who goes around calling people silly goose...
HeyLush1868: i rest my case
John Tyrka: k

its only you...

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 07:10:23 GMT

shannon and jaymee are here upstairs...cant bring myself to go back up there.
i feel like crap today and i knew it was a bad idea to have people over.
highlights of the night: smeddy and adam came over and i havent seen smeddy in so long...he looks good
im so fucking depressed i dont understand it.
zack said hed call me back to see if he could come over and he hasnt...100 dollars says he will call at 4 in the morning....

anyways im bored, coyote ugly is on...i wanna work in a bar like that it looks like so much fun.
anyways i think im just gonna go...
oh another highlight of the night: talking to randy on the phone, and when he hung up he said sweet dreams beautiful and it made me feel really good.
thats about all i guess.
Love,
chella

follow your heart down to hell...

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 05:33:18 GMT

cant talk long because randy is sposed to call me soon but yeah...
shanny is randy too lol
anyways so zack just called me! i havent been this excited in a long time. he said he misses me and wants to see me and all this stuff and we talked for a while and hes gonna call me later. im hanging out with shanny tomorrow night so i might see if she wants to go see zack and kevin for a little bit. so excited woot woot woot.
ive been after zack for a while now and yeah its just awesome to hear from him.
anyways so last time kevin was at my house he saw a pic of my sister and he was like omg shes hot so tonight i told zack that she has a boyfriend and he told kevin that she has a boyfriend AND shes three months pregnant. lol it was hilarious kevin totally fell for it. but uhm yeah randys calling so ill write more later
love you all!
chella

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 08:47:00 GMT

LOVE SONG
when i think of you
my breathing gets shallow;
dark stars come out
and populate the night;
the sun has trouble rising;
i see it push against
the resistant horizon,
and i know all is not well.

when i think of you
worms come out of their holes
and inch against dry sand;
the grass crouches lower
as if waiting for the blade
and dogs bark in the distance
for the last time.

when i think of you
tambourines stop playing;
and old women die
a day too soon;
and birthdays go unnoticed
and fireflies lay eggs
that hatch into birds
that never fly away.

when i think of you
the smells of spring vanish;
and porcupines come to kiss
scratching my skin
right down to my soul;
the leaves on the trees curl under
as if before a storm
that will never end,
and will never be forgiven,
and will remind me always of you;
cold as the tombs,
evanescent as the sunset,
spoiled the night air
with dying flowers
and broken promises.

you can not control me like before...

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 08:43:26 GMT

how does it feel...how does it feel? cuz its tearing me apart.
i didnt feel like sleeping. randy kept me up late on the phone anyways so i decided to stay up all night.
hanging out with casey tomorrow double woot and a half.
anyways heres my update on my way to fame:
lost 3 pounds, giving myself a spa treatment, called and made an appointment with ford models in the city for late december.
by the way...starting today...if you read this im sorry my computer is a flamer and it wont let me comment you back but i just wanted to say i really liked what you had to say! YOU ROCK! to talk to me IM me at heylush1868.
thats all for now i guess...
<3 love always,
chella

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 04:34:51 GMT

talking to randy on the phone..............soooooo cute!

im beginning to think that i could seriously have a huge crush on this boy...

hmmmm

well yeah..thats all i think
<3
chella

will you still hold me when you see what i have done? will you still kiss me the same?

Sun, 19 Sep 2004 07:49:12 GMT

I MET THIS AMAZING GUY!!!!!!!! his name is giovanni i call him gianni (johnny) or just gio. hes adorable and hes so sweet and he said hes gonna buy me a kitten since my dad moved out and i can have them again. and hes just amazing i cant wait til he comes and cuddles with me.
joe was being an ass today. he hasnt called me so i cant break up with him but its gonna happen.

Shanny bananny and jaymee are the bestest friends ever! totally!

much love
chella

Sat, 18 Sep 2004 08:21:54 GMT

so i was sleeping at shannons tonight and i got a text that said 911
called mom got really panicked
dad left.
who the hell wants to be alone? is that even a good way to feel?
i dont think so.
thats all i really have to say except...well no thats it